Office Affairs Begin At Holiday Parties, AshleyMadison.com Reports

Worried about letting your spouse attend his or her office holiday party alone? According to AshleyMadison.com — a dating site for married people looking to cheat — you have good reason to be.

A recent Ashley Madison press release reveals that out of 23,455 people polled (all of whom have accounts on the site), 46.1 percent of men and 37.4 percent of women have had an affair with a co-worker. Among these cheaters, 72.2 percent of women and 59.8 percent of men say that they had their first encounter with the affair partner at an office holiday party.

The founder and CEO of Ashley Madison, Noel Biderman, explained why these gatherings are breeding grounds for extra-marital liaisons: “[They] offer an informal atmosphere, and when mixed with alcohol and pent-up sexual tensions between two colleagues, it’s a recipe for disaster.”

And while not everyone acts on the temptation, many people have entertained the idea of a tryst with a colleague. Data from the website indicates that 89.1 pecent of men and 83.2 percent of women have thought about having an affair with a co-worker. Even more shocking is that 94.7 percent of men and 96.3 percent of women have copped to having sexual fantasies about someone in their office.

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Infidelity in the military: Is it an epidemic?

Florida housewives, a tawdry affair, and flirtatious emails. No, it’s not an update from your favorite reality show.

It’s the story that has lately dominated the headlines — the resignation of former four-star Gen. David Petraeus as head of the CIA. But the disclosure of the Petraeus affair, and all that followed, only hints at a much wider scandal in the U.S. armed forces.

Dr. Cregg Chandler, a retired Air Force chaplain who has done extensive research on military ethics, says infidelity came up as a major concern for 70 percent of the counselors he interviewed.

“Infidelity was high on the radar screen over the last years,” he said. “I saw it as a major problem, and I use the word epidemic.”

In 2012 alone, there have been several top commanders investigated or fired for sexual improprieties or bad judgment. Among them: Brig. Gen. Jeffrey Sinclair — a former deputy commander in Afghanistan — who is facing a military grand jury on charges of adultery and sexual misconduct.
But what about the spouses? How are they affected?

Two women who know about the challenges of family life in the military spoke to Rebecca Jarvis and Anthony Mason about the problem on “CBS This Morning: Saturday.”

Jacey Eckhart is an Air Force brat, Navy wife and Army mom. She’s also the Editor in Chief of SpouseBuzz.com and the author of “Homefront Club: The Hardheaded Woman’s Guide to Raising a Military Family.” Siobhan Fallon is an Army wife and author of “You Know When the Men Are Gone.”

“Military families are just like civilian families when it comes to infidelity,” said Eckhart. “We estimate about a third of all families are blighted by infidelity. And so, you’ve got to remember two-thirds of the families are not.”

Fallon said though she’s very upset by the Petraeus affair, she’s seen incredible marriages at every level in the military, and does not believe anyone is using rank as power within personal relationships

“I think everyone overwhelmingly supports Gen. Petraeus and his military career,” she said. “The chain of command and our leaders have been chosen as leaders because they are upstanding men and women… worthy of leading our soldiers into battle and making life and death decisions.”

Eckhart said she thinks it’s important to remember that fidelity is a set of behaviors that you learn over time, and the ones needed when you’re younger are different than the ones you need when you’re in your 40s.

“I think the military understands that… the people who are closest to you, you have to be faithful to,” she said. “And that starts with that number one person you have at home.”

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INFIDELITY: How to confirm if your partner is cheating – Private Investigators vs Modern Technology

You’ve seen all of the signs, and now you’re looking for confirmation. When you’ve reached this point, to obtain the peace of mind you require you’re left with the decision as to whether you’ll engage the use of a professional service or alternatively invest in some modern day technology. To help you in your decision process, we’ve outlined the most common resources available to you – and the legalities you will face should you choose it.

Private Investigators:

“Honeytrap” investigators: For those who have been cheated on before or have concerns their partner may stray, they may turn to the services of these types of investigators. Better known as a ‘honeytrap’, these types of investigators will start a conversation with your partner in a social setting (either in person or online) with the intention of seeing how far they can take it (ie exchanging of phone numbers, request for intimacy etc) . A full report is then provided to you, sometimes with the inclusion of footage/recordings.

Legality: Although LEGAL, most investigators frown upon this type of entrapment situation. As the ‘honeytrap’ investigator used for these are based on your partners “ideal” (ie looks, interests, clothing sense), the argument is this type of scenario is creating a fantasy situation which may never actually occur in reality and does not actually prove whether your partner is currently being unfaithful.

Surveillance Investigators: The tried and true method of catching a cheating spouse out. If you’re looking for peace of mind as to what your spouse is doing during those ‘unexplained’ hours away from you, or alternatively what they are ‘really’ getting up to when they say they are going out with their friends – conducting surveillance remains the number 1 option for piece of mind. Using a licensed private investigator removes the emotion out of watching your partner and reviewing the investigators footage of your partners night out allows you to see exactly the type of interactions and body language your partner is displaying towards other individuals.

Legality: Surveillance undertaken by licensed, professional private investigators is LEGAL. Through training and experience surveillance investigators know the law (ie your States relevant surveillance and devices Act) and produce their findings by way of a detailed report and footage which are both admissible in Court. If you engage an unlicensed investigator or take matters into your own hands you could very well run the risk of being caught out, or having footage presented to you which has been obtained both unethically and in breach of State laws.

Online Investigators: Do you truly know your partner if you have no idea what they are doing online? Where once being secretive with your mobile phone was an immediate cause for concern of cheating, in this day age it is all about your online activity. As more and more people learn how to log on and interact with other people online, so does the old lingering thoughts of “I wonder what my high school sweetheart is doing these days?”, or “I wonder if I Google my secret desires what will come up / who will share my thoughts?”. Engaging an online investigator can uncover significant behaviours that are otherwise suppressed by your spouse in their everyday life and may just teach you something new about who your partner really is.

Legality: Online investigations conducted by licensed private investigators are LEGAL. Using the skills, experience and resources these types of investigators are able to provide a detailed report on their findings based on information which has been legally obtained. Don’t be fooled by databases online which offer similar type of services for a fraction of the cost – like most things these days, you certainly get what you pay for.

Modern Technology:

Forensic Recovery: Does your partner never leave their phone out of their sight? Do they delete text messages as soon they receive them? Is their call history always blank? Certainly one of the biggest red flags for suspicious spouses is the sudden change in their partners phone habits. With the introduction of a wide range of mobile forensic software those deleted messages may still be able to be recovered. Certainly the hardest part of using this technology is getting access to the phone itself – particularly when they don’t leave the phone out of their sight!

Legality: Lets be clear on this – if you don’t have the permission of your spouse to undertake this, then it is ILLEGAL. Even if you do have permission from your spouse there is certainly no guarantee of recovering everything off the phone leaving you with the same unanswered questions and wondering why you didn’t leave it to the professionals in the first place.

Spyware: With applications such as Stealthgenie and Spectorsoft on the market, once downloaded on a phone or computer, every single keystroke, website, text message and phone call are recorded and sent to your own inbox for your viewing pleasure. Originally created with the intention of tracking your child’s or an employees online activity, suspicious spouses everywhere have seen the benefit of utilising these to discreetly check on their partners activity without their knowledge.

Legality: ILLEGAL. Even if you own the computer/phone your spouse may be using – it’s safe to say if you’re using spyware for confirming infidelity then you will not have the permission of your spouse to record their activity.

GPS applications: With GPS technology becoming smaller and more affordable this has resulted in many suspicious spouses utilising this type of equipment to confirm their partners movements. Certainly with the invention of smart phones having built in GPS systems, iphone applications such as “Findmyphone” have spouses desperate for the truth ‘accidentally’ leaving their phone in their partners’ cars in the hopes of tracking where they go.

Legality: While tracking an individual without their knowledge (or a Court Order!) is ILLEGAL, most individuals who have tried the cheaper applications will tell you the GPS location is typically unreliable and you may end up breaking up your relationship based on incorrect information. Furthermore these pieces of equipment may tell you where your spouse my be but they certainly won’t identify who they are there with, and more importantly what they are doing. Only a surveillance investigator can obtain this information for you. **Editors note: Please check the laws of your State as the legalities of GPS tracking may differ in your location.

Hidden cameras: Once reserved for the likes of James Bond, these days a quick search online for ‘purchase hidden camera’ returns over 26,600,000 results! The fast pace of technology has allowed video and recording devices to become smaller, more affordable and the quality even better. With battery life lasting even longer, these days you can hide a hidden camera in almost anything – clocks, watches, pens, power plugs, teddy bears, smoke detectors – the list is endless! For those who are concerned about who may be visiting their spouse when you’re not home, this type of equipment has allowed many to become their own DIY spy.

Legality: ILLEGAL (in the majority of circumstances) for this type of use. For example, it is illegal in most states to record an individual without their express consent and it goes without saying that everyone should expect a reasonable sense of privacy particular in rooms such as the bedroom. Setting up hidden cameras / recording devices at your partners house will most likely end up in you seeing the footage played back via a Courtroom setting.

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7 telltale signs of a cheating wife

Experts have given a few sings to look out for if you want to know weather your wife is cheating on you.

Firstly, phone calls – any change in phone calls including frequency of calls, time of day, tone of voice or a change in text messaging habits could all signify that she is cheating. When she answers the phone, does she drop her volume or suddenly sound as flirtatious as she did when you were first dating?

If it seems like her phone habits are changing and you cannot understand the changes, you may be witnessing an affair, the Huffington Post reported.

Secondly, dates with girlfriends – is she spending more time with her girlfriends than in the past? Are there many evenings out with the girls, when there were almost none just a short while ago? When you ask her who she will be with, does her answer sound sincere?

If any of these scenarios ring a bell, your wife may be going out, but not with the girls. If she was not socializing with her friends with the same frequency that she is now, that is a sign. If she is doing different things than she did with the girls in the past, that is a good indication that all is not what it seems.

Thirdly, showering and the gym – does she come home freshly showered, when in the past she did not shower during the day? Does she seem to be going to the gym more often than she used to?

There are two parts to this one. The gym excuse could be legitimate; it just might be that she is going there more frequently. The problem is that she might be working out more to impress her new love interest. And if she is not in need of her usual shower at night, chances are she is showering after an afternoon of steamy sex, followed by a steamy shower.

Fourthly, cologne – does she ever smell of different cologne, one that is more masculine than hers? Do you ever comment on the new scent she is wearing, only to find that she does not apply the same scent at home?

It could be that the new scent is not hers, but his. Do you by any chance recognize the scent as one you might have tried in the past? Do you recognize it as a scent one of your friends wears?

Fifthly, eye contact – has she stopped making eye contact when answering questions about where she has been and what she has been doing? Does she avoid looking you straight in the eye, when that was not an issue before?

For most people, it is very challenging to look someone who knows you very well in the eye and tell an out-and-out lie. If your wife is lying to you, there is a very good likelihood that she will be looking anywhere but into your eyes when she does.

Next, alcohol and other substances – is she drinking outside the home at odd times or more than before? Have you suspected drug use, where there was none before? Does she ever smell of cigarettes, even though she doesn’t smoke?

If you are seeing any of these scenarios, there is probably a partner in crime. Sex, drugs and rock and roll all go together, as does alcohol, and could all be indulged in during a tryst. If she smells of cigarettes and she does not smoke, you can bet that he does. You know, almost certainly, that someone else is influencing her choices if these behaviors are taking place when they were not happening before.

Lastly, sexual deviations – does she want sex less often than usual? Does she seem to just be going through the motions? Is she asking for things you never did before or teaching you new tricks?

Any extreme variances in sexual behavior are possible indications that there is a new influence in her life. While there are other possible circumstances, the most likely scenario is that she is getting fulfilled outside of the relationship or realizing that there are new and different things that she enjoys and is bringing them into your bed.

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Sex, Relationships And Addiction: Affairs with the Co-Worker

A lot of affairs happen with co-workers. The reasons for this are many; you spend a lot of time with co-workers, sometimes more than with your partner or spouse. People at work are often putting their best foot forward in terms of how they dress and present themselves. You don’t see what they look like first thing in the morning before hair and make-up; you don’t really see them when they are sick and miserable, and people usually try to get along with their boss and co-workers, so they save their “grumpy” selves for when they are at home.

Wrong though it may be, people often give their best at work and save the leftovers, emotionally and physically, for their partners and kids.

All of these factors combine to create an atmosphere where unhealthy emotional connections can start to develop that can evolve into an adulterous relationship over time. This cheating can be either emotional or physical. Before this happens though, there is usually one key ingredient that needs to be there to get the ball rolling.

This one key ingredient is made up of two parts: first, there is strain in the person’s marriage to begin with, and they are feeling like their needs are not being met in some way. Second, they meet someone at work who meets those exact needs for them in a way their partner does not.

For example, a guy is feeling under-appreciated at home by his wife. She is not praising him a whole lot, not speaking his love-language, perhaps she is an Intimacy Anorexic (see previous posts). As a result his “love tank” is empty. The emotional bank account is “over-drawn”. Then he goes to work and his rather attractive co-worker, who always looks fantastic and is upbeat and perky, starts to compliment him on things. She pays attention to him, and validates him. She is “into him” and he feels wanted and important. This goes on for months and months….meanwhile at home he feels like he is living in an emotional wasteland. If he is with an Anorexic he feels like a roommate. Meanwhile, the attention from Ms. Coworker is intoxicating…he can’t get enough.

Guess what? He starts to feel an emotional “connection” with this co-worker. He starts to think about her when he is not at work. He thinks about her when he is getting dressed in the morning and putting his cologne on (“I wonder if she will like this” he thinks). He tries to go out of his way to make sure he talks to her at work, perhaps they have lunch or coffee breaks together. One thing leads to another…

This is a classic text-book case of how affairs happen. One person is not getting their emotional needs met at home, and someone at work fills in the gaps. They feel “whole” when they are around this person. The big mistake they make is that they think that it is the person who is fulfilling them, but it is actually the behaviours that they are doing that is making them feel so good. If their husband or wife at home started to do the same behaviours, they would feel fulfilled in that relationship.

If this is happening to you, be careful. An affair is just around the corner. Take the time you spend investing in that co-worker and start to invest it in your primary relationship. Get counselling, read a book, have a heart-to-heart talk and plan on how you can improve your marriage. Read this blog and see if one or both of you is anorexic. If you are, get some help. Just know this….everything you think that this affair with the co-worker will give you, it won’t. If you develop feelings for this person, it will only end in pain. Either pain for your spouse when they learn you cheated on them, or pain for the co-worker when they develop feelings for you and then realize that it can never happen. Some things are just never meant to be.

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12 Surprising Facts About Infidelity

Can you spot a husband prone to infidelity? If he’s unhappy with his wife, he’ll cheat, right? Not necessarily. According to a Rutgers University study, 56 percent of men who have affairs claim to be happy in their marriages. They’re largely satisfied with all they have and aren’t looking for a way out, yet they still find themselves in bed with other women—and in hot water with their wives. Here, experts explain this phenomenon and dispel other popular cheating myths.

Fact #1: Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat.

Men who cheat haven’t fallen out of love; they’ve become unsatisfied with the current state of it. “Cheating usually occurs in the phase of companionate love, when couples begin to settle down, have kids and solidify the life being built together,” says clinical psychologist Andra Brosh, PhD. While they’re fulfilled in some areas, like being a provider, the romance may be missing. “We more often think of women complaining about a lack of romance, but men feel it, too,” says Dr. Brosh. “They frequently suffer in silence, believing they can’t get what they want from their spouses.” To avoid this in your marriage, plan nights out together, set aside time for sex and discuss hopes and dreams—not just workdays and your son’s last soccer game.

Fact #2: Men usually cheat with women they know.

Cheaters don’t generally pick up random women in bars. “My first husband cheated on me with a childhood friend,” says Diane* from New York City. “His family was close to her family, so they never lost touch.” Intimacy expert Mary Jo Rapini explains, “A lot of women think that all cheating women are floozies—not true. The relationships are usually friendships first.” A good idea: Make sure your husband feels more connected to you than to his business partner. “Spouses go to work, take care of their kids and do separate things at night. That has to stop,” says Rapini. She suggests always going to bed at the same time and cuddling.

Fact #3: Men cheat to save their marriages

“Men love their spouses, but they don’t know how to fix their relationship problems, so they go outside their marriages to fill any holes,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Susan Mandel, PhD. Men want it all and have the skewed notion that another woman will make the longing for something more disappear. Then, they can live happily ever after with their wife—and their mistress—without confronting the real issues.

Fact #4: Men hate themselves after affairs.

You may think of cheaters as men without morals, but while they may like what they did, they tend to despise themselves after their indiscretions. “If he puts his ego to the side, he’ll feel like a piece of garbage,” says relationship expert Charles J. Orlando, author of The Problem with Women…Is Men. “After all, he’s betraying another human being who he claims to care about, so that takes its toll on every part of his psyche.” A cheater can feel as though he’s failed as a man

Fact #5: Cheaters often get friskier with their wives when affairs begin.

Just because a husband’s touchy-feely doesn’t mean his marriage is on firm footing. “When a man starts cheating, he becomes hyperactive sexually,” says Rapini, explaining that his sex drive has been awakened, and his wife is still the one with whom he feels most comfortable sexually. If you notice a sudden change in your husband’s sex drive, it should raise a red flag. Be on the lookout for the switch to flip off again. “After the affair is solid, he may begin to pull away,” says Rapini.

Fact #6: Women cheat just as much as men, and their affairs are often more dangerous.

An Indiana University study shows that men and women cheat at the same rate. But “the reasons the sexes cheat are different,” says Orlando. He explains women are more likely to cheat for emotional satisfaction. “Online cheating—without any physical contact—is the most damaging type of infidelity,” says Orlando. Becoming emotionally invested in another person means you’ve likely checked out of your marriage. But if it’s just sex, it’s less about attachment and more about a hurtful mistake.

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Think He’s Cheating? How To Know For Sure

There’s only one thing worse than finding out that your partner’s cheating: suspecting that your partner’s cheating. Unfortunately, it’s not always as simple as just asking your partner for the truth. One of the most common ways for unfaithful partners to deflect accusations of cheating is to dismiss their partners’ concerns as paranoia. Some even turn the tables and accuse their partners of pondering infidelity.

If you can’t catch your partner in the act, there are red flags to look for (suspicious errands, a sudden change in grooming or appearance, etc.), but what if you’re not 100 percent sure? Should you end your relationship without any hard evidence of infidelity, or wait passively for the truth to come out?

In the past, worried spouses hired expensive private detectives to do the dirty work, if they could afford to pay thousands of dollars. Now Infidelity DNA Testing, operated by the national DNA testing company Paternity Lab Center, makes it easy for any man or woman to scientifically confirm cheating, CSI-style. All it involves is sending in an item that’s potential evidence, like dirty underwear, bedsheets, condoms, or even cigarette butts, and having it tested for DNA. Should viable DNA be detected, you can then pay an additional fee for a comparison test to see if the DNA on your partner’s item matches yours. If not, you know someone’s got some ‘splainin’ to do. The whole process costs $600 at the most.

The whole process sounds icky and even sneaky, yes. But we’re talking about cheating! It comes with the territory. And while not all cheating partners are dumb enough to leave incriminating, bodily fluid-soaked undies around, many of them are. You deserve to know the truth, and no one can deny the validity of DNA. Even better, you’ll know the truth within five business days. And then you can move on with your relationship… or not.

Kip Charles, owner of the Paternity Lab Center, reports that the majority of people who call Infidelity DNA Testing are men who suspect their girlfriends or wives are cheating.

“More men call to find out how the process works, but most don’t actually go through with it,” Charles says. “Women are more likely to pull the trigger and actually submit an item for testing.” He says that about 70% of clients confirm that their partner was cheating as they suspected. “Maybe 30% of clients are wrong about their suspicions, but I’d say the rest already know something’s wrong. They know there’s a serious decision they have to make, but they have to be sure.”

The lesson: If you think your partner is cheating, follow your gut, but don’t forget all the technology—or dirty laundry—at your disposal.

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Housemaid accused of killing baby born out of adulterous relationship

A 29-year-old Ethiopian housemaid allegedly smothered her newborn baby girl born through an adulterous relationship by putting her in a bag and keeping it closed for about six hours, the Dubai Criminal Court heard.

JAA is accused of premeditatedly killing her one day-old baby girl by wrapping her in a cloth and putting her in a bag and closing the bag with the intention to kill her. The accused denied killing the baby and claimed that she was born dead. However, the forensic report said the baby was born alive and she was fed milk and the cause of her death was suffocation.

AMI, 17, Emirati student, testified that the accused had been working for the family since July 2011 and used to stay in the helpers’ quarter in their villa’s yard. On April 26, the maid excused herself from housework, saying she is tired. On the following day, the family asked her to go out with them and were in fact intending to deport her.
“When the maid went to the bathroom, my grandmother started searching her bags. She searched the first bag and was opening the second one when the maid came out of the bathroom. She tried to prevent her from carrying on with her search but my grandmother insisted. Then the maid pulled out a wrapped piece of cloth and towel and said that there is a baby in it. She claimed that she brought the baby from outside. Checking the wrap we found a dead baby,” he testified.

The grandmother, AHS, 60, repeated the same testimony.

Police investigated the case and found out that the baby must have born alive after nine months of pregnancy. Forensic reported that the baby’s lungs were in ‘floating’ condition which clearly indicated that she had breathed air after delivery, contrary to the mother’s claim that she was born dead. Also, milky residues were found in her digestive organ in addition to hard waste in her intestine which means that the baby was fed more than once.

Forensic report that, from the wet condition of the umbilical cord, it appears that the baby was born either on April 25 or 26. Suffocation, and not the baby’s head injury, was the cause of her death, the report said.
The accused confessed before the police that the baby was the result of her adulterous relationship with AK who is being prosecuted by the Misdemeanor Court with JAA for adultery.

Records did not mention how JAA met AK and whether she continued her relationship with him after joining her employer. It also did not mention whether he asked her or encouraged her to kill the baby.

The accused claimed that the baby was born dead on April 26.

“She was not moving when she was born. I cut the umbilical cord with a knife which was in the room. I wrapped her in a cloth and put her on the bed at 8am. I was very scared that my adulterous relationship with a man would be discovered. I wrapped her body in a towel and put her in a bag and closed it until 2pm,” she testified.

Later the accused admitted before the police to giving birth to a live baby girl in her room and that nobody was with her when she delivered the baby girl on April 26, testified police officer Saeed Salem.
She admitted that she had put the baby in a bag and closed the bag so that nobody would discover her illegal and illicit relationship with a man that resulted in the baby.

She confessed to having adulterous relation with a man in August 2011. Police arrested AK with whom who she claimed she had adulterous relationship.

Forensic reported that AK was the real father and the accused was the real mother of the baby.

The accused, however, again giving birth to a live baby when she appeared before the prosecution and on Monday when she appeared in court.

“I gave birth to a stillborn baby. I did not kill my baby but she was born dead,” JAA told the jury presided by judge Hamad Abdullatif Abdul Jawad who ordered the appointment of a defence lawyer and to reconvene on October 15.

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Influence Of Social Media On Infidelity

Social media sites are beneficial in connecting with friends and relatives residing in different parts of the world. Social media also plays a deadly role in divorce and many American couple are breaking their marriage relationship and getting divorced due to social media networks. It is reported that 81% of lawyers from the American academy of matrimonial lawyers has pulled information from different social networking sites to fight for their clients regarding the divorce issue. 66% of lawyers use face book,15% use My Space and 5% information is taken is from twitter.

Mostly social media sites are used for cheating and flirting strangers on the other side and it is discovered that 1 out of 5 adults use face book site for flirting. It is reported that 235 of men usually tend to cheat the women and 19% of women who are not sexually satisfied use social media for cheating.

It is suggested to say no to face book and delete the account if it becomes burden and effects your marriage life.

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Woman tries to sell home by advertising husband’s infidelity

It’s no secret that it can be pretty hard to sell a home these days, but a woman in Oregon is using a very personal story to win over buyers.

She’s openly advertising the fact that her husband cheated on her and then left her with the home!

Elle Zober’s sign says “Husband left us for a 22-year-old” and goes on to read, “For sale by scorned, slightly bitter, newly-single owner.”

Before you think this is an act of revenge, Zober says her ex-husband was actually on board with the idea and even helped her with the sign.

She says they both need to move on and to do that, they have to sell the house.

“I’m certainly not the first person to be cheated on and I won’t be the last.”

Zober says she needs every competitive edge she can get in this housing market.

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