On Q Professional Investigations

A Rock Hill woman says she found an old boyfriend living in the attic of her home after being released from jail recently.

A mother of five said her children are afraid to sleep in their own rooms after finding the man living in the attic of their home.

She asked Newschannel 36 not to identify her by name because her old boyfriend who was living in her attic is still on the loose, but said she heard a thump coming from the ceiling after she put her children to bed Saturday night.

“Then all the nails just popped out of the ceiling over my bed. Like ‘bing, bing, bing,’” said the woman.

Thinking it was an animal, she asked her older sons and adult nephew to check out what was happening upstairs.

“They found a man. He had packed all the old coats and jackets into the heating unit and was sleeping in the heating unit,” she said, adding that the man ran downstairs and out of the house before police could get there.

Officers did find several “Route 44″ Sonic cups filled with feces and urine in the attic. The man also appeared to have rigged the ceiling vents so he could see into the woman’s bedroom.

The only entrance to the attic is inside the home — in the hall that connects her children’s bedrooms.

Officers are trying to determine just how the suspect was able to get inside the house to go up in the attic each day.

The woman says she had broken off a relationship with the man years ago, though he had done some work on her home about a year ago.

He was convicted of stealing her truck earlier this year. He finished serving that sentence and was released from jail two weeks ago.

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Casselberry newlyweds spent their honeymoon at the Seminole County Jail after police said they left their three younger children alone while they got married.

Kymberely Frederick, 30, and Daniel Richards, 34, were arrested Tuesday on felony child-neglect charges.

The couple left home about 2:30 p.m. to go to the Seminole County Courthouse, according to an arrest report. They left their children, ages 1, 2 and 3, home alone, the report states.

Frederick left a note for two older children, who were at school, telling them to call their parents if Frederick and Richards weren’t home when they got there.

Richards and Frederick told officers that the couple called a neighbor shortly after leaving home to ask her to watch the children, the report states.

The neighbor, who had lent her car to Frederick and Richards about 2 p.m. to go to the courthouse, called police when she realized the children were alone. Two were in cribs when an officer arrived about 3:10 p.m., and one was in her bed, according to the report.

The couple made their first court appearance on Wednesday.

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Social media sites are beneficial in connecting with friends and relatives residing in different parts of the world. Social media also plays a deadly role in divorce and many American couple are breaking their marriage relationship and getting divorced due to social media networks. It is reported that 81% of lawyers from the American academy of matrimonial lawyers has pulled information from different social networking sites to fight for their clients regarding the divorce issue. 66% of lawyers use face book,15% use My Space and 5% information is taken is from twitter.

Mostly social media sites are used for cheating and flirting strangers on the other side and it is discovered that 1 out of 5 adults use face book site for flirting. It is reported that 235 of men usually tend to cheat the women and 19% of women who are not sexually satisfied use social media for cheating.

It is suggested to say no to face book and delete the account if it becomes burden and effects your marriage life.

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Are you lying to your partner about money?

When most people think of being unfaithful to their partner, they think it means having an affair. However, there are several ways you can be unfaithful to your partner: emotionally, physically and financially. The financial aspect is often overlooked as a problem because the one who is withholding the information thinks they are protecting their partner.

There are two types of lies: commission and omission. Lies of commission are knowing what you are doing, and justifying your actions in your own mind. (see items 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10). Lies of omission, on the hand, means you’re leaving out some of the vital information about a financial transaction (see items 1, 4, 6, 7). There are warning signs to look out for, as in any brand of infidelity, and it’s up to you to decide if you want to confront yourself and share with your partner.

If you are unsure about telling your partner, then ask for help. Sorting out the problems with a therapist could do a world of difference for your relationship. Here are ten warning signs you are committing financial infidelity: Financial Infidelity: 5 Steps To Coming Clean [EXPERT]

1. “Oh, it only cost…” Sometimes, there is nothing underhanded about saying “it only cost …” when it was more or less than the stated amount. However, if you find you are saying “it only cost …” because you had agreed to only spend a certain amount and you went over by a substantial amount, then it’s definitely a problem. This is one way to go down the slippery slope to bigger issues.

2. Opening accounts (credit, bank, and loan). Opening an account without your partner knowing could be no big deal in your relationship, or it can be a very big deal. Some couples decide it’s best to keep their money separate. If that is the case, having a new account without your partner knowing may mean nothing. It can become a big deal, however, if you are divorcing.

3. Taking money out of your retirement fund. If you are taking money out of your retirement fund and your partner is not part of the decision making process, then this is a breach of trust. However, if you have a pre-nuptial that clearly states that it’s your money no matter what, then this is not a problem. The next questions to consider is: Why are you needing to cash out early and willing to pay penalties?

This sounds like something you would want to talk with your partner about before doing it, just to get another point of view. Or, if you have a gambling problem or some other kind of addiction that you are ashamed of, consult a therapist.

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It’s no secret that it can be pretty hard to sell a home these days, but a woman in Oregon is using a very personal story to win over buyers.

She’s openly advertising the fact that her husband cheated on her and then left her with the home!

Elle Zober’s sign says “Husband left us for a 22-year-old” and goes on to read, “For sale by scorned, slightly bitter, newly-single owner.”

Before you think this is an act of revenge, Zober says her ex-husband was actually on board with the idea and even helped her with the sign.

She says they both need to move on and to do that, they have to sell the house.

“I’m certainly not the first person to be cheated on and I won’t be the last.”

Zober says she needs every competitive edge she can get in this housing market.

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According to some new surveys, computer networking guys are near the top of the cheater list…right up there with other rich professionals like bankers and lawyers. And 40-something married fathers of two are most likely to cheat in a marriage. As for women cheaters, they are most likely to be stay-at-home moms, teachers, and health care workers.

Those results come from PRWeb.com. Here are some more current stats:

Research shows that up to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity, and most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers.

Some cultures have adopted extreme measures to combat infidelity, like DEATH as a punsihment!

Although men are more likely to cheat than women, as women become more financially independent, they act more like men in regard to cheating.

In many cases, infidelity never gets discovered…and the cheater gets away with it.

Emotionally, it IS possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time…but LOVING more than one person is difficult to do.

Office romances continue to increase. Spouses often spend more time with coworkers than with each other.

The initial decision to be unfaithful is rarely ever a rational choice. It is usually driven by one’s emotions. In fact, most people are surprised by their own behavior at the start of an affair.

Emotional infidelity can inflict as much, if not more, hurt, pain and suffering than just the physical act itself.

Unfortunately, many people find a more suitable mate AFTER they are already married.

Biological evidence shows that long-term monogamy is difficult for humans to achieve…but NOT IMPOSSIBLE.

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A new sort of infidelity has been on the rise for decades, and it’s one of the biggest threats to marriage: ‘emotional affairs.’ Today’s workplace has become the new danger zone of opportunities for ‘emotional affairs,’ surpassed only by the Internet.

A relationship without sex can be just as intense, or more so than a sexual one. Not surprisingly, in most cases, approximately 80% according to Dr. Shirley Glass, author of Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity, the dynamics of these platonic liaisons crosses over into sexual love sooner or later.

Why the crisis?

To understand the intensity of emotional infidelity, it helps to see the dynamics as an addiction, a form of addictive love. That’s because it’s easier to let go of a toxic pattern when you depersonalize the experience.

It’s not about ‘how’ special the person is or makes you feel, it’s about the neurochemicals that get activated when you think and behave a certain way that keeps you stuck in the damaging pattern! It isn’t a coincidence, for example, that persons with alcohol and other addictions are more likely to get into toxic relationships. Seeing the problem as an addiction also gives you access to proven steps to identify and break free of the toxic patterns.

Why addictive?

An addiction to an activity, person or substance puts a person’s brain and body in an intoxicating trance that, on the one hand, does not allow them to think clearly and make informed choices, and on the other hand, ‘rewards’ them for the toxic behavior with the release of certain chemicals that provide quick-fixes of pleasure in the body. Albeit temporary, there is also pleasure from lowering or numbing pain, shame or guilt, as it provides distance from taking responsibility to resolve the real issues of life and marriage (which risk failure).

In the The Addictive Personality: Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior Craig Nakken provides the following definition for addiction, as:

“A pathological love and trust relationship with an object [person] or event … the out-of-control and aimless searching for wholeness, happiness, and peace through a relationship with an object or event.”

It makes sense that so many depressives and alcoholics find themselves in toxic relationships.

What are the warning signs?

There are at least 12 warning signs to alert you to take action to protect yourself and your relationship from ‘emotional infidelity.’

1. Thinking and saying you’re ‘just friends’ with opposite-sex.

If you’ve been thinking or saying, “we’re just friends,” think again. If it’s a member of the opposite sex, you may be swimming in treacherous waters. The very words are dangerous to your marriage.

This rationale allows you to make excuses, or more plainly, to tell lies (to yourself and others) about something you know in your gut is wrong. Regardless how strongly TV and entertainment promote the idea of opposite-sex friendships (and this is part of the problem!) as not only ‘okay,’ but also ‘right’ to demand unconditional trust, in most cases, an intimate friendship with a member of the opposite-sex that you find interesting and attractive poses risks.

2. Treating them as a confidant, sharing intimate issues.

Sharing thoughts and deepest concerns, hopes and fears, passions and problems is what deepens intimacy; it builds an emotional bond between two people, time better used in marriage relationship. Giving this away to another person, regardless of the justification, is infidelity, a betrayal of trust. This is especially true when you consider that emotional intimacy is the most powerful bond in human relationships, much stronger than a sexual one.

3. Discussing troubling aspects of your marriage and partners.

Talking or venting to a person of the opposite sex about what your marriage lacks, what your partner lacks, or what you’re not getting to make you happy sends a loud message that you’re available for someone else to ‘love and care’ for your needs. It’s also a breach of trust. And, like gossip, it creates a false sense of shared connection, and an illusion that you, your happiness, your comfort and needs are totally valued by this person (when, in truth, this has not been put to the test!).

4. Comparing them verbally and mentally to your partner.

Another danger sign is a thinking pattern that increasingly finds what is ‘positive’ and ‘just right’ about the friend and ‘negative’ and ‘unfulfilling’ about the partner. This builds a case ‘for’ the friend and ‘against’ the partner. Another mental breach of trust, this unfairly builds a physiologically felt case ‘for’ the friend and ‘against’ the partner, forming mental images in the brain that associate pleasurable and painful sensations accordingly.

5. Obsessively thinking or daydreaming about the person.

If you find yourself looking forward to seeing the person, cannot wait to share news, think about what you’re going to tell them when you’re apart, and imagine their excitement, you’re in trouble. This sense of expectation, excitement, anticipation releases dopamine in reward centers of your brain, reinforcing toxic patterns. Obsessively thinking about the person is an obvious signal that something is wrong. After all, you don’t do this with your friends, right?

6. Believing this person ‘gets’ you like no other.

It always appears this way in affairs and romantic encounters at the start. It’s an illusion, and in the case of emotional infidelity, one that is dangerous to a marriage because the sense of mutual ‘understanding’ forms a bond that strengthens and deepens emotional intimacy, with the release of pleasurable neurochemicals, such as the love and safety hormone oxytocin. This focus also puts you in a ‘getting’ frame of mind. It means you are approaching your marriage in terms of what you’re getting or not getting, rather than what you’re contributing.

7. Pulling out of regular activities with your partner, family, work.

Being absorbed with desire to spend more and more time talking, sharing, being with the person, it’s only natural to begin to resent time you spend on responsibilities and activities at home (and work?). As a result, you begin to pull away, turn down, or make excuses for not joining regular activities with your partner and family. Family members notice you are withdrawn, irritable and unhappy.

8. Keeping what you do secret and covering up your trail.

Secrecy itself is a warning sign. It creates a distinct closeness between two people, and at the same time grows the distance between them and others. Secrets create a special bond, most often an unhealthy one. For example, there may be a false sense of emotional safety and trust with the person, and an unwarranted mistrust and suspicion of the partner, or those who try to interfere with the ‘friendship.’

9. Keeping a growing list of reasons that justify your behaviors.

This involves an addictive pattern of thinking that focuses your attention on how unhappy you are, why you’re unhappy, and blames your partner and marriage for all aspects of your unhappiness. It builds a dangerous sense of entitlement and forms a pool of resentment from which you feel justified to mistreat your partner or do what you need to increase your happiness without considering the consequences.

10. Fantasizing about a love or sexual relationship with the person.

At some point, one or both persons begin to fantasize about having a love or sexual relationship with the other. They may begin to have discussions about this, which adds to the intensity, the intrigue and the intoxicating addictive releases of neurochemicals that make the pattern more entrenched.

11. Giving or receiving personal gifts from the person.

Another flag is when the obsession affects your buying behaviors, so that you begin to think about this person when you are shopping, wondering what they like or would show your appreciation. The gift choices are something intimate items that you would not give ‘just’ a friend. Gifts send clear messages that the two of you are a ‘close we’ set apart from others, and that the relationship is ‘special.’

12. Planning to spend time alone together or letting it happen.

This is the warning sign that, when not heeded, most often pushes partners to cross the line from a platonic to a sexual relationship. Despite good intentions and promises to one another that they would not let ‘anything’ happen, it’s a set up, a matter of time, when opposite-sex friends flirt with the availability of time alone.

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Spouses with wandering eyes should take notice – slipping off your wedding band might not let you off scot-free, anymore.

The blogosphere is buzzing over a new ring that promises to keep spouses faithful by imprinting the words, “I’m married” into the wearer’s finger. The declaration is carved into the inside of the band.

The cost of fidelity? Just $550.

The titanium rings are sold on the website TheCheeky.com.

“With Arnold, Tiger and two timing IMF guy in mind, we have created this wedding ring for people intent on cheating,” the company writes, poking fun at some high-profile cases of infidelity.

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Online dating scams have become a worldwide issue. A study presented at the annual meeting of the British Psychological Society in London found that people with strong romantic beliefs who idealize their romantic partners are most likely to fall victim to online dating scams. Meanwhile, the U.S. Department of State has posted an advisory warning Americans to “be alert to attempts at fraud by persons claiming to live outside of the U.S., professing friendship, romantic interest, and /or marriage intentions over the Internet.”

According to the State Department, the following red flags can be used to identify a potential romance scam:

The scammer and the victim meet online – often through Internet dating or employment sites.

The scammer asks for money to get out of a bad situation or to provide a service.
Photographs that the scammer sends of “him/herself” show a very attractive person. The photo appears to have been taken at a professional modeling agency or photographic studio.

The scammer has incredibly bad luck– often getting into car crashes, arrested, mugged, beaten, or hospitalized — usually all within the course of a couple of months. They often claim that their key family members (parents and siblings) are dead. Sometimes, the scammer claims to have an accompanying child overseas who is very sick or has been in an accident.

The scammer claims to be a native-born American citizen, but uses poor grammar indicative of a non-native English speaker. Sometimes the scammer will use eloquent romantic language that is plagiarized from the Internet.

Many dating sites and online communities have turned to device identification leader iovation Inc. for help. iovation works with global dating websites and social networks to protect their members from behind the scenes by eliminating scammers before they’ve had a chance to case harm. iovation has already prevented more than 50 million online scams, spam, solicitations, fake profiles and phishing attacks in their attempt to make the Internet a safer place to do business and interact.

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In this day and age, most of us have friends of the opposite sex, whether they are co-workers, casual acquaintances or close confidantes. The question is: how close is too close when you’re in a romantic relationship with someone else? Here are some signs that your so-called friendship may be entering the not-so-gray area of emotional infidelity:

1. You dress up for him. When you buy new clothes or change your hairstyle and wonder what he’ll think (instead of how your partner will react) that’s a danger sign. We all consider our audience when we’re getting ready to go out, but doing so with a particular other in mind — not your significant other — suggests there’s something more here than meets the eye.

2. You lie to your significant other about seeing him. Perhaps you fail to mention an innocent coffee you had with him. You consider it just a small omission, not to be confused with a real lie, when you don’t share it with your significant other. Maybe you even tell yourself you just forgot. If this is the case, you must ask yourself what you’re hiding from your partner and why.

3. You do special things for him that you don’t do for others. You give him that cute card that perfectly captures how you feel about your friendship, or the little knickknack from your last trip which you imagine him placing on his desk. It seems innocent enough, but they are little reminders of you and invitations to reciprocate. What are your true intentions about this relationship and this person?

4. You’re spending more and more time away from home and/or your significant other. Late nights at the office are starting to add up. Long lunches are becoming routine. When you really think about it, you can see you’re trying to increase your opportunity to spend time with him at the expense of the time you spend with your significant other. What is all this time with him really about?

5. Your electronic communications are increasingly devoted to your non-significant other. You can’t wait to surreptitiously check your phone to see the latest text from him. You’re up in the middle of the night on Facebook. When the balance of who you communicate with tips away from your significant other toward someone else, it’s a sure sign of trouble in both relationships.

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